haiz
i think im gonna miss out night at the museum 2
im losing my position in ur heart
that position called 'frend'
haiz..
not time to emo
since having my new phone alrdy cuts off 1/3 of my sadness
yeah samsung ultra touch
gonna stat meddling with it when i wake up tml
i tml wake up is on comp and dl a lot of crap for it
i think i gonna clear my music
my whole 4gb memory card
den start afresh
need more btr music

u arh
always nvr take care of urself huh
sing sing sing
now no voice
drink more water/honey, watever that helps k?
take strepsils blah blah etc
if u lazy buy i'll help u
juz tell me
i'll send it to ur doorstep too
regardless ur parents there or not
i have my job and i plan to accomplish it perfectly and successfully
but
as each day pass i feel more invisible
i doubt u have been readin my blog
i bet hardly anyone does
you you you you YOU
seriously need someone to take care of u
i hope ot could
well i would take care of u
tat is if u're willing to gimme a chance
argh im babbling again

watched this chinese omace/comedy movie ytd
one of th actress was cecilia cheung
some of her movies quite nice
this translated name of th movie is
Honesty
is abt this too-kind-to-be-true idiot nerd
goes around helpin ppl, get bullied
and nvr gets pissed off by these
when he grew up he had this gf
lived together for 6years
and got dumped
he usually visits this old man, leonardo, in the old ppl's place thingy
leonardo had 25million US dollars, (500million HK dollars), and decided to give all to him
after he pass away, which he did shortly after
this girl (cecilia cheung) found out and wanna hook him for the money
as she tries to get closer to him for th money
she slowy found hersdelf attracted to his kindness
and both eventually fell in love with each other
when they were togetehr it was so sweet la..
sweet enough to wake me up frm my dreams
haiz........
i wonder
do u need a reason for u to fall in love with someone?
i doubt so, since u like
2 years ago know him awhile
stead 2 weeks, den broke up..
and still loving him since then
i've been wondering
which part of him do u love?
i know u ans would be 'everything of him'
but, its not a v good ans
he doesnt give a damn abt u
he lied ur feelings, if its true that he nvr liked u b4
and he seems to have least interest in u
this all feels like
de me-lyndsey-JUNWEN shit cycle again
everyday b4 u sleep, u do u qt
i do DO my qt too
i THINK wats wrong with me, wats wrong with u, wats wrong with this world
cant things actually fall into place FOR ME
..




i think
i muz erase off my 'jio-ing u' thinking
i guess, i juz hadda be ur dad again
i realised
we havent figure out smth to call each other..
thats de sign of u feelings fo me fading
ur actions speaks loud
mayb TOO loud
u juz cant make things look less obvious
i juz wanna go somewhere quiet..

i wanna be ur silent guardian angel
protect u with my life
i'll do anything to see that beautiful smile on ur sweet lil ang moh face :)
hear me out that i love u

haiz
had a game of dota
i nvr fail to meet bullshit pulp players
not for a single day i'd miss at least ONE of them out
hai..
u seem to put u frends in front of me
mayb its a sign tat im not as important to u
as i THOUGHT i was
hmm
like, i've been askin u for abt 3 weeks
if u could make it to watch night at the museum 2 with me
i've been getting NOs
den when somebody ask u
u agreed, but coz of today's events u cancelled
nice one la
ppl ask 3 weeks all no
ppl ask u a day or 2 b4 u say yes
like, wah is damn frustrating sia
say ppl avoid u
u make it look like u're avoiding me instead
say wanna be like how we used to be
u treat me lesser than o ur classmates
nice one v nice
not askin u to treat me as more den a frend
at least, a frend can bah?
i feel like im juz someone whom u met
and smile, waved at only la
sibei sian one u know
i not angry la
juz fucking frustrated
this is why i insisted at first that i cant treat u like i used to do
u charmed me to doin as u pleased
i cant blame u for tat
aiya
i also dunno who or wat i can blame at
mayb myself
for having such misfortunes
seriously if i could hibernate for 10 years i would
sleep and forget all the past
wake up, a new beginning
i juz wish life had a 'reset' button
turn back everything
all these hardships that this beloved 'God' has given me
i think i slowly becoming anti Christ --"
partly shld be coz of guanwen's influential
mostly shld come fm past experiences
wait i rmb smth i wanna say

YAN HAN CAN U FUCKING SHUT UP
wat ur tyan wei v hot leh
i seriously wanted to knee u in u groin
seriously leh
mock me all u fuckin want la
dun bring her in can
mock my failures
my lousy instincts
my lousy looks
my lousy intelligence
juz dun fucking bring her into my failure can?
like u v shuai
v smart
v perfect?
你是没人要，不是不要人
mock urself 1st can?
joker..


irritating bastards
think u v funny
ppl suffering u at there enjoyin de scene
how disgusting
reuben not as bad
only at there
daddy sim..
still like, so outdated?
slow..
argh, so painful..
all these
ae like slow poison
killing my cells
and eventually killing me
i juz cant seem to bother abt the outside world anymore
hadda act that i LOOK ok in front of everyone
more importantly, in front of U
not tat, u're not worth all these
but, i juz need my time out
i always bathe and stone
or go toilet and stare at ceiling
i realised, i havent sing since i've been thrown aside by u
havent sing..
only mouthed de words.. but not sing
i hardly draw
i hardly had the mood to do anything
coz everythin u do hurts and draws away my strength
slowly im becoming a lifeless corpse
rotting away to the ground as time passed
speed up time to rot me faster
o turn back time to my lifely, happy moments
shall this so-called god or watever deities which exists
grant me my wish
may this unworthy one dream again
to be with his always perfect queen

argh
today sibei sian la
fucker
garena all those useless players listen la jibai
dunno how play dota dun fucking play can?
juz now the game
is as good as 2v4 la kani na
my team 1 leave, 2 feeders fucking useless
like 1st time playing dota
5 year old kids
my useless mother
know whenever i lose mood will be not good
then purposely JUST AFTER I LOSE
tat there scold scold scold
want to throw de whole keyboard at her sia
when goin home at payar lebar mrt
some fucking loser face disfigured look like octopus's jibai
...
fuck la
i today shld have like, be frozen in the freezer la
or sleep WHOLE DAY literally
today is fuckin WTH
sis a lot of problem also
ppl bloggin she come here kajiao
ALWAYS LIKE THAT
go LAN play dota more interesting la
im PAYING them to keep my family members AWAY
today go lane
i use troll warlord vs huskar(andrew) and axe(wee liang)
starting got raped like no mother
occasionally have kills, die 6 times
i go farm
when lvl 16 , get bfly, assault curiass and threads
rape their mama
HOLY SHIT!! (15-6)
haiz...
move on to most important part of my posts bahh...

comparing the way u treated me a month ago, and now
there's a really huge difference
u talk abt returning back to normal
the way we used to be
yet u're the one not completing this piece of puzzle
i've tried super hard
not to be afraid when i see u
although, i still cant help it
to feel extremely sadden when i see u
but i still tried to force that slightest smile onto my face
stupid mother come kehpo. irritating bugger
coz i always eel failed, disappointed of myself, and extremely brokened by ur decisions
but i cant do much
im juz a by stander now
lookin upon the effects of ur actions
not being able to do much
i could juz bite my lip
and force back the tears
close my eyes and walk away
occasionally coming back to check on u
i believe that
the man of ur future
is extremely lucky
coz he have a really perfect girl
she can be, sgs top model
sg idol
some band's icon
magazine front cover
and so on
he shld be extremely proud
at least, i am
and i will be
now i really want the tyan who treated me a bit more den a frend
im feeling lost without it
dead, meaningless
u treat me a lot different compared to last time
more than u tot u had
seriously,
if u want me to tell u how
i can, i will
word for word, in extreme detail
wat is the god damned difference..
ahh...


reach ur hand out into the darkness
and lift me up into the light
return me my hopes and dreams
never letting me fall back again, into the horrendous blight

hmm..
bye

haiiiiiii
today sucks
cant wait for sch to be over
ONE MORE WEEK!!!!!
muaha
argh, th warcraft book now where i read to is kinda boring
i read until a bit blur
eng too cheem
dun really understand
hmm
u curled ur hair today
too bad i din get a chance to see it
no matter how ugly the hair looks like
no matter how ugly you THINK it is
it'll be wonderful as ur perfection has alrdy covered up its imperfection :)
anyw i think it would actually turn out great too
u juz doubt urself, as usual
stupid girlllll
>:(
lalalalaaaa
now arh u seem to be avoiding me
mayb coz i startin to cling a bit
nvm, i'll push myself away frm u then
to make u comfortable
u're a my 1st priority, as always
sian parents coming back soon
i now is also tou tou use de
so decided to blog
cant play a full dota game anyw
hmm
i'll end off with some words for u
like wat i used to do for lyndsey

ur perfection nr fails to make my soul
wander off to my dreamland
i realised i've been dazing
staring into blank space
dreaming of how great it would be
if i could be with u
i alrdy startin to feel ambarrassed now
haha
usually my frends would give off some random loud scream
and wake me up frm my dream
and i have to face reality again
haiz
parents back le. cant say anymore
bye

lalalalaaa
lol
im gettin weirder day by day
ALAMAK
nobody wanna pei me watch night at the museum 2
tmd
T_T
nxt week MUST WATCHHHHHH
i must NOT miss out this great comedy movie
BEN STILLER ROCKS
muaha
eddie murphy too
and a whole list of praiseable actors/actresses
u are so beautiful, im addicted to u. ppl have no rights to call u ugly. trust me, my mom taught me not to lie :D
random??
zZz... SNORE
ytd, woke up at 11, ate breakfast and went to sleep again
den woke up at 5, when to eat KFC :DD
bought 3 books
warcraft : war of the ancients trilogy
i alrdy read half of the 1st book
gonna continue after gaming :D
waitin for cousin.. so can DOTA TOGETHER
i nv stop being facinated by the wonderful relationship between Rhonin and Vereesa
they treat each other cold yet loving
well day of the dragons was a novel which concentrates on Rhonin
his mission, and the process of development between his and Vereesa's relationship
starting they hated each other
and they slowly BANG :D
so cool
if they turn these books into 3D movies
I CONFIRM WATCH IN CINEMAS + BUY DVD
to me
these books are actually movies
the clear description of every object
bring images to life in my head
the facial expessions, swaying of the leaves
they are all able to be pictured in ur mind
which makes these books extremely wonderful
my mom saw me huggin onto de book whole day and night
she say : 你在学习方面这样用功就好了
haha, she's so damn right
too bad i have no, or shld i say, not much interest
in sch related shits
aiya cousin come le. gonna dota. mayb ltr come back edit
sian
father came back
means all de nag and blah blah coming in
hmm gotta eat soon sia sian
not hungry la
he confirm buy some rubbish food..
fck this R la. F also
need press super hard to get it
arghh...
aiyoooooooo
i have this sudden rush of suiciding.. O.o
juz kiddin
i juz wanna be removed frm this horrible world 1st
until i get my things sorted out
den come back to this wasteland
now arh, i go everywhere also fail
fail academically
fail sports
fail relationship
fail in games
fail to live life to the fullest
fail to THINK properly
fail to be a man
fail fail faillllllll
it sucks
but i like it :D NOT
so irritating
it keep u away frm reachin ur goals
i know watever, if u dun fail in life, u will nvr learn anythin
but dun u think i've failed enough le bahhhh
gimmie a chance to success once for now
who am i talkin to...??
im nuts
im a failing emo-ish goth nuthead
yay?

BYE

i rmb wat u've shown me once

man was given 2 ears to listen, 2 hands to touch, 2 eyes to see, 2 legs to walk.
but why man only had a HEART?
coz the other one was given to someone
and it is for u to find out who it is

i once said i've found mine
and i know exactly who it is
its YOU la pls
anyw, i know u wanna return that heart to me
but i insist u keep it
its in the hands of a Great
its perfectly fine in YOUR hands
so hold it tight
it'll give u the warmth u need any moment
its gonna hear u out
its gonna always be by ur side
use it as u umbella to shield urself frm the rain
i dun mind
use it as a pillow,
a gateway to u dreams
i dun mind
use it as ur personal dairy
where all ur secret would be kept inside safely
i'ld obviously not mind
but also feel free to let go of it any moment
im fine with it
as long as it carries that wonderful scent of urs
im all satisfied alrdy
even if it dropped hard on the ground
and ppl step on it
i dun mind
as long as i noe
u've ONCE held it in ur arms, by ur chest
im all satisfied alrdy
u dunnid to mend those scars and injuries on it
juz leave it be
but if u ever wanted to help
juz take good care of that heart
and it'll be just fine..

just fine in ur wonderful, great hands :)

when to de beach
wasnt as exciting as i thought it would be
drowned myself in 100plus again today
i drink and average of 2bottles/day
haha
1st bottle each sch immediately buy 1 bottle
its like my beer
dunk away my sadness
nvr get sober again
HO HO HO DI DOH
NV GET SOBER AGAIN~
lol
today chinese lesson watched chi4 bi4 xia4
at watched twilight
how i wish i could be edward cullen
o.O
where's my bella? i kenna SHOOPA! coz im not edward cullen
heheh xDD
actually i like to kenna SHOOPA! somehow, for some reasons
mayb it hurts as much as cuttin own wrist!!!!
i love to CUT
lol jkjk i not emo until liddat
may sooon :X
well my bella found her edward and i hadda let goooooooooooooo
NNNOOOOOOooooooo
ah nvm. i becoming some twilight freak
lol
its so, unrealistic la
th relationship is juz too perfect
whoever heeds the 'courting advice' frm the show is an IDIOT
coz u're treatin a movie as reality
wat a joke
go sleep and dream more realistic than the movie la
i duno wanna wake up fm this dream and face reality. u heard?
there are actually A LOT of things i wanna say but i dun want and i couldnt say it.
if u think im avoiding u den sry but im not i juz cant treat u like b4.
not tat i hate u or wat but i juz cant do it
i ahve this kind of problem
i juz seem to raise up my head and talk properly to those to rejected me or watsoever
if u ahve a problem with that den face it
yeah im insensitive blah blahhhhhhhhhhh
u should have treated me this cold since a decade ago
tskkk
everytime i see zetian and huizhen togethe ho
i SUPER envy them la, seiously
in fact, today's lame trip to de beach was toturing
all de couples
see 1 heartache once
actually is more of see once die once
so i dunno i died how many times alrdy
i may not be the best for u
but i seriously think HE isnt any btr then me
if he's like
super caring andf loving towards u
my heart will be at rest la seriously
but he isnt
eveytime i see u hurt
i get hurt too
i dun wanna show it to u
i also dun wanna get too close to u
to prevent my feelings for u to regrow/grow stronger
u ask me qns like u know most of me alrdy
BUT U HELL DUN
u totally dunno wat im thinkin
wat are my plans
etc etc
i hope u'll find a btr guy
u remind me of..
me..
bye

hmmm today release of Night At The Museum 2
no one follow me watch :(
aiya anyw today not free, have guitar lesson at 5
hmmm
i now officially pronouce 100plus my 'emo drink'
nowadays i sad, confused, irritated, watever also buy 100plus
if i ok ok, feeling fine, i'll buy milk or smth
so, i wish for more 100plus now
drowning myself~~~
in 100plus~~~
tralalala~~
100plus!
yi heng, STOP COOPING!!!!
haha juz kiddin :p, juz dun drink all finish
i really like this new skin
so suitabe for my personality? i guess so
but i wanna find a way to delete those heart thingys at the headings there..
will find a way someday
but not today
rushin to blog b4 sleep

yay tml goin BEACH!!!
for fun
nth to do
go there walky walky
WATCH SUNSET!!!!
mayb play sand and stuff
haha
need prepare stuffs like slippers and etc
obviously not wearin my shoes and socks and sch uni
walkin on sand, havin risk of gettin wet and blahs
anyw tml pe, confirm stinky
need changeeee
haiiiiiiiiii
i think i'll be goin to ebaches more often frm now on
i think its my perfect place of
gettin away frm de busy towns, sch and all
relax and enjoy the natural environment
lie down on de sand
watch the skies
at night, watch the dark sky with its sparkling stars
and a beautiful gloomy moon
too bad cant stay until night for sure
but oh well, after sunset is v good le
gonn take some picturesss

SPEAKING OF PICTUREEEESSSS
today
i stole weiling's wallet and took out her ez-link card
show the photo and thought
WAH HER MAID'S CARD
HAHAHAA
SHE LOOK LIKE
HOLY SHIT + WTF + OMG + faint.. HAHAHA
super old and auntie like
resembles a maid
omggggg
shall upload it up someday :D
tat is if i wanna be evil
most probably ill keep it
take it out on last day of sec2
and start laughin at her again
so damn funny xD

haiz 11pm le
if dun off parents confirm start baarrrrkkkiinnggggg
WOOF
kk bye bye
thou shall meet the sunset soon :)

haiz
i realised we'e been quarrellin non stop for almost a week
either quarrel or dao
anyw, i dunno la.
hmm




等待
我随时随地在等待
做你感情上的依赖
我没有任何的疑问
这是爱
我猜
你早就想要说明白
我觉得自己好失败
从天堂掉落到深渊
多无奈
我愿意改变 (what can I do?)
重新再来一遍(just give me change)
我无法只是普通朋友
感情已那么深
叫我怎么能收手
但你说I only want to be your friend
做个朋友
我在你心中只是just a friend
不是情人
我感激你对我这样的坦白
但我给你的爱暂时收不回来
So I 我不能只是be your friend
I just can't be your friend no,no,no,
我不能只是做你的朋友
不能只是做普通朋友

yeah this is the final thing the sim yi liang who lovED u, wanna dedicate to u
b4 he is gone
*bishhhh~*
he disappeared!
lol..
i guess part of him may still be inside me
my alter ego
which made me..
hmm bleh
moving on, outta this


today morning was weird
ms lee suddenly pop out beside me and said
good morning :)
literally with a smile on her face
i know she's talkin to me coz
she's lookin straight at me --"
well i was a bit shocked, din noe wat to say in time
and i juz turned and gave her a gentle smile
well its quite nice to start off a morning
sort of

haiz
wanna go beach all of a sudden
btr is alone or with jeffrey
he's like de most dependable senior u can have la
gonna do smth again
gonna make TWO of them
one for, and one for
mayb one more for, coz of..
yeah he wanna do it for,
den give to..
hmmm
or mayb do tat
two, no three
ARGH nvm
anyw my guitar lesson changed to tml 5pm
sobs sobs
my plans FLOPPED once again
yay?
nvm. saturday or sunday i go
take a stroll, emo, stroll, emo, fresh air, stroll, emo, emo, BLAHHHH
aiya. i go ask around see who wanna follow me
i dun want it to be too big
get 2-4 close buddies
close as in SUPERRRRRRRRRRRR close
hard to find
hmm
all of a sudden i find sms-ing lyndsey is kinda fun
lol her replies nvr fail to facinate me
all de crappy funny funny stuffs always comes frm her sms
so unexpected
mayb..
OPPS haha mayb 5% chance?
lol. cant be bothered with woman now --"
woman phobia acting up
chills---
gonna change blogskin soon
dun like this one
too sadistic
lol
gonna change to
some emo, BLACK, gothic crap
shit, im endin up becoming de male version of lyndsey
stupid gothic neh neh
lols
haizZzZzZz
results are crap la
dun wanna talk abt it
JIAYOU EOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
IM GONN RAPE U, EOY
COZ UR BROTHER, MYE, RAPED ME
RAWRRRRRRRRR bitch
hehee
hai
OH
lyndsey might be coming back on friday
havent show my kakees (frends) her yet
muahaha, show off my super chio ex-senior :x
lol
AND, nxt week jeffrey's having a DEBATE COMPETITION!!!
at chung cheng high
i wish i can go there cheer for u
dunno, see cher allow sec2 supporter or not
heard falls on a thursday, shun bian pon de worst day of de week :x

SAW NTH

fuckin torrent

my left4dead dl at 22kb/s

the damn file is like, 2.5gb

gonna take ages

..

waitin for jeffrey to pass me de game in thumbdrive..

so i can play

kaiyuan, u said my comp play it sure die one

i dun care haha

wanna try

have de fear of a zombie poppin outta nowhere, in front of me

and i gonna start anyhow spam bullets

attract more zombies :S

no hell way i goin LAN to play it for $2/hr

weeliang so poor alrdy still so waste money

PPP shld save money not watse them

din u hope to smack ppl with gold when u got smacked with money ytd?

wat happened to tat determination?! lol
*opps last night forgot to publish :S*

i guess im ok now, in sch..
still cant help but to kinda emo at home..
looks like im not gonn stop bloggin
i realised tat i need to say things tat i wanna say
coz it soothes my heart
by a bit thou...
today was tough
i thought of.. askin u
for another chance..
gimmie one more chance
to jio u
i realised that i want u, and i need u
and tat u made me discover things abt myself
and u changed me a little by little everyday
im a selfish, computer freak porno nuthead
i seem to be biased against girls tat i like
coz when i like a girl, i'ld dao almost everyone else in this world
i said ALMOST
and i tend to crave for de chance to spend time with her
without caring if she really wants me there
when im angry
i'll juz blow
and forget abt wat de effects on de girl my actions would do
im a little bit of funny
but my jokes are usually kinda porno
i decided to stop
because u made me realise this
i realised, studying is important
in fact playin is important too
u juz gotta balance these stuffs
and make ur life enjoyable
u made me realised all these
and i wanna change
not because of u ( well mayb a little)
but, for my future too i guess
the studyin part might be a tough thing to accomplish
and i need help on it obviously
u might give me a second chance
but i doubt ur heart will
watever it is
i'll do watever it takes to make u happy
even thou its as painful as
for example, organising a date for u and ot
i would, at most i'll wither alone at home
but i noe i'll feel tat little bit if happiness inside me
because i know u're smiling

sorry for the anti-christian comments
i was being childish and selfish once again
i should have seen this coming
i guess i did
but i chose to walk towards that pit
because u're inside there
and u liked it
i was harsh and a stupid ass idiot
but i dunno why u'ld thought of tryin to convert me
mayb i'll be a christian in my nxt life
if there's such thing as nxt life
but definately not in this life
coz im a pure-hardcore-free tinker here
to me religions and believes are juz crap
an excuse for human to explain the seemingly impossible
making a lie to cover an inexplainable matter
these are wat i think of all religions and believes
no offense, juz stating
i noe, all these
dun have any chance to change ur heart
i juz wish
i could go back to time
to when me, u and bryan were happily together in 2J
and restart everything
so i could work harder to get u
i have a goal
and look who's standing on my finishing line :)
YOU, my dear
u're my trophy, my honor, my award, my achievement and my accomplishment
i wish that i shld have noticed ur feelings towards me
when it was that big and hot
grasp that opportunity which i failed to figure out
now the fire as died and im mourning here
regrettin for wat i've done and wat i didnt do
if there's really a god somewhere
be Him frm christanity, buddhism or indian
pls help me on one of my greatest wish in life
to be more than juz frends with tyan wei
or even btr
turn back the damned time for me
back to where i was with tyan wei, and bryan
when i first talked to her
and make me realise my love for her sooner
so that, things wouldnt be this disasterous
i wish
my wish
may it come true
i wish... ha...

i noe i was harsh
i believe wat i did was de best for both of us
disappear frm each others memories
nth ever happened
i have a lot to ask u
to say to u
but i cant bring myself up to u
im sorry for wat i've said
and im sorry for not sayin things tat i shld have said
as much as i feel like screamin and shoutin at u
i wanna make u happy
im screwed

another of my tragic love story
my Happily Never After

i got hell packed in my bag
i seriously find no meaning in continuing goin to sch la
like, im not good academically, not good in sports
not good in games
no future la
i got girl phobia
females are super scary
they like, seduce u to get ur heart
when u hand it over they rip it apart in front of u --"
well not all girls la..
some mayb chooses to listen to God, to their calling. bleh~
some are flirts o.O
some juz totally no interest in u
yay? i find myself less persistent after de lyndsey accident
i tend to give up way easily
like now, giving up on her, giving up on life
wanna camp in front of comp everyday and date it
mayb i'll marry a comp when i grow up
since it wun hurt me
i realised i was totally blanked out in sch today
mr seow dunno call me how many times den i react
slept in class also
staring into blank space
blahhhhhhhhhhh droooooool
argh
dun feel like goin sch
like forever
i should consider quittin sch la
now, wake up in morning, heart pain
go sch, heart pain
see her, heart pain
on bus, heart pain
at home, heart pain
even when i play comp also a bit no mood, coz heart pain still
muz drown myself in music, blast it like nobody's business
den i can relax a bit..
i realised i have no talent in jio-in girls
and when i get rejected, i wun wanna see tat girl
coz
1. it hurts
2. i feel failed
3. it hurts
4. i feel embarrassed
5. it hurts
6. i feel depressed
7. it hurts
8. i feel retarded
9. it hurts
10. it friggin hurts
11. it hurts bad
12. IT HURTS SO BAD I CRY...
again..
haiz, yeah i feel embarrassed, crushed, depressed and fuckin retarded now
haha a boy cryin? mayb i play with barbie dolls still
yeah i cried. cried so bad, i chant this : "i dunno who is tyan wei. i dunno who is tyan wei. i dunno who is tyan wei.."
yeah i wanna forget u, forget abt everythin tat happened between us
and forget abt the feelings i've gone thru
as i cried, i bite myself till my arm bleeds a little..
its a bit reddish now, shld be ok soon, mayb by tml
i have woman phobia
dun wanna get hurt again..
gonn create a barrier between me and girls
a small one for me and boys, juz in case i turn gay --"
i stay to close to girls, i end up liking her
and my tragic love stories replays again
this cycle have continued for 2 girls
i hope it wun come by the third time..
coz i'll turn to smth thats lower than dust, - nothingness
i think i wun be bloggin for awhile le
and making my blog open to all
anyw i heck care de world le

1st of all i'ld like to declare that
IM NOT AS DESPERATE AS U THINK I AM LA --"
ok mayb a bit luh~~
i juz treat u a lot more than a frend
i guess u can say i treat u btr than my frends and family?
hmmm
anyw, i juz realised my freaky in-love symptoms are up and on de move again
shall list them
1st. i tend to chant de girls name repeatly
when im outside, i chant de name in my head or i mouith the words
2nd. i get 90% speechless when im with de girl
3rd. i feel damn shy and my heart beats super fast la
4th. i talk more to strangers rather den de girl. too nervous :S

shit.. i hate it when i become like this
coz im gonna get super far away frm de girl la
now alrdy so far, dun want to shoo her away further...
haiz.. lololololol

today went to shangbo's church
coz She went
as usual, they'll ask if u accept Christ at the end of the whole service
as usual, my ans was no
sry x/
well sb acted as TARZANNNNNN
jane's lover
ltr, TARZAN hadda GO CHINA with de role of a MISSIONARY
nice, tarzan go china
den conflict with jane
and broke up
well the sermon (if i din spell it wrongly)
was abt bgr today
in my head i was kinda
*chanting Her name* at the same time *lalala-ing*
and occasionally took short glances at Her
haha weird
den i expected to be able to spent some time with Her
to walk around parkway
HAIZ
her parents was there
my plans totally FLOP la
. . . . . . . . . . . . .....
den walk around like some restless spirit
or like a sheep who's shepherd was lost
--"
go arcade to burn some time
wah, was so disappointed by my plan's flop
moodless luh..
my street basketball thingy
shootin imba inaccurate la
wth
usually 1st stage can 120
today 1st stage only 60+ --"
din pass stage 2 today
usually all de way to stage 4
de score required to pass de stages are :
stage 1, 50+ (i juz pass)
stage 2, 150
stage 3, 250
stage 4 (last stage), no min pts required
highest points reached today was....
210 +/- .... --"
pls la, my personal is like, 350?
grrr
played de time crisis 4
de prolouge (1st stage) alrdy 2 lives lost
died at 2nd stage
dun feel like playin liao
anyhow to play some weird crappy game
and left soon afterwards
ate Mc alone..
i noticed some ppl lookin at me luh
im de only one lookin at the opposite (empty) chair
and eat...
i was super diao-ed and also added on to my grief T_T
decided to faster eat and leave
den on de bus
i saw this female stranger
wah de 1st impression i had of her was
when she older 80% chance be model
she's freakin tall for a girl
and her 身材was ..
DAMN!! WOW!!!
--" my She is still de best thou ^^
i noe wat u all thinkin
i pervert go look other ppl right? heheh
WRONG
she was opposite me, obviously will 看到 la..
but she coz tired, den damn unglam
she fell asleep (i think)
den head and body shaking left right like earthquake liddat..
lol


yeah i know u hate ppl to cling on u
im tryin super hard not to stick onto u everyday la..
i tried with not sms-ing u to start a conversation
den u'ld sms me with a sweet ' (: '
obviously i hadda reply
and when i try not to look despo
sometimes u get de wrong idea of me emo-ing
i noe it'll ruin ur mood
so i cant do it..
i juz want u to be happy kaes?
if u start to ahve de 'yi liang's so irritating' thought
juz say one word : SCRAM
and i'll be off
seriously, i wldnt mind u being hard on me
used to it
thnx to lyndsey's intensive trainings
i'll juz get sad for hours or mayb at most a day?
and i'll be fine le (:
so dun worry
ur wish is my command
even thou
after our conversation
i know
that u and me can nvr be together..
coz u've decided to go for... i think?
so yeah
u know, all these wouldnt get so complicated
if u would juz say No to me
yeah.. haha
watever it is
im always here for u
for u to count on
for u to depend on
when u need love
u can always turn to ur family
ur God
ur frends
and not to forget
u can turn to me
coz i love u unconditionally
i dun ask for ur love in return
thou if u could, that will be good
but watever it is,
im ur biggest fan and ur number 1 supporter (:

haiz... exams are over. yay?
spent a lot of time doodling for eng exam
coz kinda easy?
got enough time to do compre, write summary thrice
nappy time and doodle
is tat good or bad? o.O ;S
drew some rubbish
need censor some things away
not porn, this time is smth emotional ;P
after censor then post on blog
hehe (:
haiz, wat a miracle
my internet is workin perfectly fine
rejoice :D
but still, kinda freakin sian nowww
ZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzZzzzzz
-------edit-------
decided to add things
lol
been sucking at dota lately
coz irritated
by smth , not sharing :D
haiz , i tryin so hard
it doesnt feel like we're gettin any closer
instead it feels like were gettin a lot further apart..
haiyo~~~
im born to fail at relationships :S
like, u noe every part of ur brain have a specific function to control
like, this part of brain contains knowledge on how to talk, tat part is how to draw
and so-on
my relationship part is malfunctioning --"
electric!! ZZZZZAAAAAAAPPPPP!
im not like my senior jeffrey
reads/watch all those lovey dovey shows/books
and imply them in reality
i doubt it'll actually work
coz this is reality, not some lovey dovey fiction-y dream
well mayb tats why i fail in relationships
i have no idea on how to jio girls
lyndsey attempt was a failure
i think another one's coming up soon :S
haha --- im laughin at myself
so sadistic
failure FAILURE failure FAILURE failure FAILUREEEEEE!!!!!

off to fail, bye ;D

i juz seem to love everything about u
u're so wonderful
to me, you're like
a perfect piece of art
a perfectly fine, fresh apple
a perfectly well made coffee
a perfectly cooked dish
a perfect creation from whatever god tat exist
i might not believe in god
but i thank him
for sendin an angel,down to earth
for lettin me meet a beautiful, pure, sweet angel
for lettin me befriend this angel
and finally,
for lettin me fall in love with this angel
this has been a wonderful dream
which seems to be coming to an end soon
at least, i have de memories
and i thank u greatly for it,
my lovely angel

exams have began
hist test was quite ok - surprisingly
hcl was as usual - crap, not surprisingly
well most of today was crappy
thnx alot
like wtf
all's in u mind when u're doin nth is,
odette, lewis, odette, lewis, odette, other frends, odette, Odette, ODETTE
cool la, cool
i hor, seriously fucked up u know?
dunno shld support u? and be happy for u?
or shld i curse and hate u?
i tell u this is wat i call fucked up
been like, swearing for almost the whole day la
i feel hopeless la
like talkin to a wall
no feelings
....

anyw, im addicted to this song by enminem
the real slim shaddy
lol
even MORE addicted to this song by 陶喆
你爱我还是他
i asked myself this qn the whole day
+ whole of last night
went onto bed at 10.30
slept at 12plus..
juz thinkin this damned qn
and the last line of this song is real nice
"你爱我还是他 是否沉默就是你的回答我们都别挣扎 去爱他 "
yeah.. motivation > for giving up
你爱我还是他 is seriously a perfect sdong to describe me now la, wth

sry for swearin at u today
i juz blew
i cant reply ur sms nor pick up ur calls now
im sorry

lalaa

today is damn weird

i think i have menopause or smth

im sad, yet im laughin (at myself thou)

im happy but i cant seem to smile suddenly

weird huh?

emotional machine breakdown,

need repairs asap

plan to reveal this blog to some more other ppl

ppl whom i can trust



made this special thing for U today

took me abt 50mins?

i read thru ur hist

for unknown reasons, or so-called unknown

watever-

dun feel like continueing

laughed at myself and took a nap

u seem to obsessed with him

looks like i dun have chance le

haha

im laughin -> weirdo :D

my perfect girl stuck onto her perfect boy

so cool

imperfection is destined to be put aside

2 cities,

imperfectionipolis and perfectionipolis

LOL

i think we both know where we are in individually o.O

lalalaa~

im nuts --- mood swings

or major brian damage

ah watever


i so gotta speak with ot

have some stuffs to tell him

i doubt she'll gimmie his msn thou


tml exam
mati mati
of course la, din study mah..

zzz i juz sent the thingy to her
suddenly i feel so stupid...
haiz, i think frm now on i'll not cling onto her so much
i even find myself fuckin irritatin
yay my emotions are back..
current emotion - FUCKED UP

i think sooner or ltr im gonna suicide o.O
just kiddin
but i'll beat myself up
literally
juz realised how much i hate my life
DIE YI LIANG DIEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!

mayb i'll get kaiyuan to beat me up for me
since he so power
mayb mingyao
leong bros come together murder me
thnx

yeah OFF TO THE DEEP ABYSS THOU SHALL GO
bye, see u in de dark

long time nvr post
wanted to post some happy things but
someone kinda screwed it for me over the pass few days
you now like treat me as almost invisible when we're in sch la
wth
at most u'll juz, gimmie a smile or a wave
zZz...
dunno wat u're thinkin
or wat u're tryin to tell me
mayb i juz dun really noe u anymore?
or i nvr knew u at all?
in sch u treat me as almost invisible
when u're done with ur own stuffs
when there aint much or anyone entertaining u atm
u den come and find me
when i try to find u
u dunno run to where
when i wanna spend time with u
u'll always be with others
not tat im ur whoever needs to have ur utmost attention on
but, i guess if i put it this way
when's gonn be my turn to spend time with u?
i decided today
since u dun have enuff time for ur other frends
i'll give u all de time u want
i'll stop botherin u fm now on
i'll be thoroughly invisible to u frm now on
and so will u to me
go enjoy ur time with ur frends
coz i no longer exist
...
...
guess now u'll have more time for ur frends huh..


u're de person who gave me hopes
happiness
sadness
confusion
and all kinds of screwed feelings
i find myself being more fond of u as days pass
its like
everyday u add a drop of water into my bottle
and its alrdy overflowing
darn R
so difficult press
nxt week wednesday exams startin
and i have almost no idea wat sci physics is abt so far
need someone help me, tutor me frm start
since only u noe my blog's url
i guess no one is gonne help me
and most probably
neither will u
coz u're juz too busy for others
im sorry..














every word i typed stabbed me in de heart once..