zzz another emo post bah.. i guess... figured out another 'philosophy'.. 1 sided love sucks.. its lyk being strapped to a torture machine, being whipped and hurt everytym, non stop.. after de pain subsides, a new torture arrives.. de only way to leave tis machine is to give up, but tats not wat im gonna do, coz i love her dearly.. and tis age difference suck dick for cryin out loud! dere's so many fuckin things i cant do with her.. and havin tis age thing might b makin her feel.. sort of awkward when im with her.. it'll take her a million centuries to even LYK me.. as in slightly more then a good frend.. at 1st it was so awesome! spent and sacrificed so much tym juz to b with her.. everythin felt lyk its fallin in place, everythin's juz so perfect! now.. tis beautiful picture becomes a scene of death.. now.. im being left alone, in my own world.. left to suffer.. slowly goin insane.. every second tat pass was a nightmare..thou occasionally, she'll come and accompany me.. juz as when i want more, she left with de wind.. picture tis in ur mind. a soothin light comes closer to u, when u are in despair.. slowly a hand forms out frm de light.. as u reach out ur hand to grab it, de hand, and de light, become dust and dirt, blown away and disappears.. its oso sort of lyk, illusions u see, when u're in de desert for days, no food! or when u're stranded on a remote island, and there's not a single soul there... its almost de same as bein in solitary..except, nightmares, demons, haunt u and ur mind every single second

most ppl look forward to de future.. but for me future means more suffering.. i'll stare at de clock, with bloodshot eyes.. being hurt evey minute.. its lyk poison tats runnin slowly thru my blood and veins.. it wun kill, but de pain juz keeps coming.. as i lose my mind slowly.. she'll soothe me for a brief moment, bringin me back my sense.. when im almost satisfied, she leaves.. and de madness rages on.. she cant end it for me, neither can my will.. coz its too weak..

....

coz of tis age difference, i cant have a study 'date' with her, i cant help her whenever she needs it, i cant DO ANYTHING!! ti feel FUCKED UP everyday, screwed up.. messed around.. lyk a soccer ball, kicked around.. i wish i cld get out of tis ethereal darkness... but she's de only key, tat can be fit into tis lock, tats keepin me in... tis suffering, still continues...