haiz.. another sian day withot any contact or watsoever frm lyndsey.. sianz.. got junwoon's msn, as u can see frm my tagboard.. 40 more visitors and i'll hit 1000 on my hits counter..
anyw im so call preparing for de Graphite competition.. tryin to get de best outta me.. drew a demon knight and an angel half rdy... mayb bring to sch tml and ask for opinions frm frends? zz.. ok i tink i juz got another inspiration.. frm my previous drawings...
i tink i got a new thing to add on my so called wish list.. and tats to grow u faster n be independant.. leave tis hse.. and no more naggin frm mom.. sianz she naggin again.. gtg

BYE

hmm... boring day.. by great progress on pw!! manage to ALMOST finish pw thru 1hr.. of inpormt-to.. and no practice!! den chiong for cca at 4.30pm...
oday i dunno if lyndsey phone de card no money, or kenna cofiscated by chers... i hope is no money.. shld b bahh.. now gettin help frm my msia frend hu is damn good at drawin.. i linked him, its DiasFox... im participatin in a anime drawin competition called Graphite, as i mentioned b4... sian need go le.. im blanked out today... dunno why.. and v tired now.. plus mom naggin again liaoz... AHH TML SCI TEST!!! den havent do DnT... shit... ahh... tml DnT oso.. make up lesson for friday, coz cher day den miss out...

BB

today is bball national finals.. and AHS won!!! and de refree another got ap de.. keep on side unity... so lame... scoldd c*** b** at him a lot of tyms... pointed the longest finger at him too... haha.. anyw today is another sian day... other den de bball finals..

took bus with lyndsey n youjin today... after de game la.. den when lyndsey was restin.. i cldnt keep my eyes off her... and de bus was shakin quite strongly den i scared will wake her up or she'll fall down, or smth else... den when quite near marine parade and she was still restin.. i scared she will miss her stop.. but dun dare wake her up.. coz if i made a mistake i'll feel v lao qui n bad..so sian... den we 3 liddat, sat at 3 different places... doin our own stuffs [ restin or listnin to music or using phone] my phone no batt.. so i cld do nth... as when i was idlin.. i tot of tat jun woon guy again... den i tot of lyndsey goin back to texas again, too... ahh felt lyk slappin de shit outta me.. i also... felt lyk cryin tat instance... my chest felt empty inside too... as if my heart juz vanished.. and i got a feelin tat.. once she goes, she'll nvr come back.. her brother was excited abt goin back to texas... and i tink her parents wld go for the eldest's decision...
im so pathetic.. all i cld do is look at lyndsey, suan her, bein stupid , and sit dere foolishly, not noe-ing wat to do.. idiot... IDIOT!! IM JUZ AN IDIOT!!!! AAAAARRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FCK SIA!! when will i learn to do things instead of dooin th, or messin things up, makin matters worst? wtf... i hate me... i hate myself.....................

juz leave... and dun come back...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...................................
tats how im gonna start off my pst today... v sian... searchin for step up movie songs... there's 1 hav violin v nice de i still cant find... haiz.. [wait up]... I THINK I FOUND IT yay! lolz... ok gonna b another short post...







-"i wanna be by ur side whenever u need help. i wan u to be by my side forever, and not never.. if a genie gave me a million wishes.. i'ld say, 'hey genie. save ur magic for others, cuz i only need and have 1 wish, and tats to hav HER by my side... or at least me by her side. helpin her, guiding her, and lightin up her path to success..' all i cld wish for is ur happiness.. coz ur happiness is mine too. as de song 'She Will Be Loved' goes, 'I dont mind spending everyday. Out on your corner in the pouring rain. Look for de girl with the broken smile. Ask her if she wants to stay awhile...' sometyms, [im not gonna state out de reason] i wish i cld walk in de rain.. so no1 cld see me shed my tears for u... even if u are 'open', as in u are acceptin boys... i bet im de 2nd last guy on ur list... last is HN i noe.. mayb he's not even in de list... well if so, tat makes me de last guy on de list.. jun woon... he aint such a bad guy... main point is, he's better than me... and i stand no chance against him, or any1... felt lyk backin out... but loving u secretely hurts me more than ever... today when i heard abt u goin back to texas... and de tym seemed to have shorten, it shortened my smile too.. well since it was barely even dere, i lost my slightest little smile tat i was faking out... i was brokened into pieces when i 1st heard abt tis... after i finally got these pieces back, i heard it again. and tis tym it didnt simply break... it sunk into de deepest part of my heart, and shattered... well, now, i got nth to say... absolutely nth..."


dere's no need for byes... juz leave...

as usual... a v sian day... with nth to do... after lyndsey's phone kenna confiscated... life's sort of empty... juz updated my friendster today... so lame... update coz i found lyndsey's friendster... v lame horr... sry la... nth to do... and i gotta find more info abt tis jun woon guy... wow he is frm 1j (now he is sec2... last yr when sec1 is in 1j) and tats my class... now... he in 2c...

---zzz i last night type forget publish... anyw its a short post... ---

today... tis post shall b a post of compliments.. n gratitude.. i want u to noe.. i truely love u...
but 1st, tml is chinese oral... kinda scared... but heck care la... chinese no hope... juz inpromt-to lorr... no hope le anyw...


ok... now, tis post is dedicated to u..
1stly, i wanna start off with, whoever u loved once, or in future, shall be one of de luckiest man on earth... to hav such a nice girl by his side... WOW... its impossible for me... im juz PEA compared to those guys.. so pathetic... and, i wanna thnx for for acceptin my treat today (its ice cream fyi)... its really, REALLY, REALLY, REALLY meant A LOT to me... i've realised, all these posts, are actually sort of love letters, tats not mailed to u.. juz compile all together, and it wld be pages... and pages long.. includin de song, coz it bares meanings frm my heart too.. im not gonna minimize these words... coz i wan ppl hu come to tis blog to noe... i love u deeply... im devoted to u... even desperate can b used appropriately on me.. i Can't Stop tinkin abt u... tats 1 song which cld describe how i felt towards u... seriously, i wld turn my love for u into a pillow... sleep, and hopin to meet u in my dreams.. and here's an evidence tat suports tat sentence tat im despo... i seriously, loop my memories of u in my head and pretend tat u want me.. of coz its juz wishes tat were meant to nvr be fulfilled... and i do fall asleep and dream of alternate realities... i put myself at ease by pretending tat u love me... pathetic ehh?
u are beyond words tat cld be used to explain love.. to me, u are much more valueable the anythin i've came across... i wanna treat u nicely... not coz i wan u to love me, but its coz i love u, and i hope u noe it.. perhaps, u'll juz put tis aside n blah blah.. but not matter wat... THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING once again... i LOVE U, and shall LOVE U ALWAYS...

i hav much moe to say.. but i dun have tat much tym.. perhaps nxt tym........ perhaps.....

ahh.. nth much happned today.. 9.40pm and still rushin DnT... today i sacrificed my time to go to eagle's nest n play cs with frends, to walk to de bus stop with lyndsey. but no biggie, coz it's worth it. plus its quite awile since i've walked with her.. WAIT i got a comment for DnT. its fun but troublesome. theory SUCKS!!! practical RULES!!! theory need do wat research n stuffs... so sian... pw sucks too... dunno wat project proposal and blah blah... seriously i dun lyk these kinda work... labour work is more fun... depends on wat type of labour 1st..

juz watched Evan Almighty on HBO... not bad... funny guy looks so idiotic... speakin of idiotic, i watched half of idiotcracy too... wat a dumb, senseless, funny movie... "SHUDDAP IM BATIN'!!" its disgustin... of coz de person wasnt really batin... he was watchin tv and he doesnt wana b disturbed..

life's gettin hard when lyndsey reaches home... de period of tym is sort of hell to me.. i tink i'll end tis post with some big words which comes deeply frm my little heart.

-"all these tyms i've spent with u werent much... but it was very, very meaningful. when i walk with u... i dunno wat to say... all i cld do, n wanna do, was stare at ur pretty face. usually i'll start off a conversation with a suan or two. but slowly i felt bad. i felt lyk im makin it harder for u.. even thou its juz walkin down frm sch to de bus stop, but i want u to enjoy every single second with me, juz as lyk i do. im juz another good frend to u. but u are a girl way more than juz a good frend. u are beyond greatness. sometyms, i tot, "i hav lousy personality, no looks, no intelligence. no everything! how can i b fit to even b ur frend? u are so beautiful, great personality. everyone says tat u r a great girl." i knew tis was a miracle.. somethin tat i nvr tot tat wld happen... but it did, and im very greatful abt it."-

BYE

haiz... a rather disappointin day... ytd oso.. i was lyk WTF la... BRAZIL NIL?! ARGENTINA 3?????!!!! COW DUNK LA... =.= i hav criticisms for both sides... no wait, 1 more, for de referee. brazil goallie... wat de fck he didnt even try to defend de goal post... he didnt even try to catch de ball! he juz stood there, no dive no nth! argh... stupid noob. and i can see tat at first brazil players were juz, 'having fun'... when they started gettin serious its too late alrdy... ARGENTINA... when i saw them being so proud and all... makes me wanna puke... they won by pure luck, and coz of lousy goalie... HEY ARG GOALLIE IS 21 YEARS OLD LA... brazil de more old loh... de only TRUE goal i saw was, de penalty kick... AND DE REFEREE!!! ahh tat lil bastard.. he sided argentina for god's sake la... wtf everythin oso brazil foul...brazil foul... AND MORE FOULS!!! lame ass la... if i was a brazil player i wld hav spitted in his face and show him my 'middle gun' an scream out loud ' FUCK OFF '... stupid asshole... not tat i hold grudges against de country... but im damn pissed at de sight of brazil losing... even if they lose, at least not so badly la... for one last tym arg was luck ass ytd...

haiz... i owe de chers quite a number of hmwk (except mr neo... i owed him loads of work...) ah watever... i've lost interest in sch stuffs now... except de alive things... lyk ppl, chers, not mr neo, students, especially HER.. i tink i've revealed a lot of stuffs abt my life... anyw hardly any1 comes here so wth... but still... i shall FULLSTOP this post now...

-"at de sight of u calms me down... at de tot of u not lovin me brought me down... dere's a huge difference between these two.. as a chinese sayin, 'de dist of between heaven n earth'. i tink it is farther than heaven n earth.. way, way farther.. but, nevertheless, ur bright, brilliant smile, wld cheer me up, no matter in wat situations, or conditions... im not askin u to love me or watsoever... all im askin for is ur godly smile.i nvr tot of u loving me, neither cld i picture it in my mind. but its true tat i've dreamt of it.. dreamt tat one day, it'll come true... 'mayb, in de nxt lifetym', i always tot to myself... tat wld b good. but now, wld b better.. love letters and stuffs dun do well for me... due to face-to-face pressure and personal experiences... u might say, or think,' oh juz forget abt me. years later we'll all b laughin abt tis.' i cant garuntee i wldnt.. but i hope i will not. im slowly losing interest in life... coz mine is now in ur hands.. mayb all these cld b a love letter... if i'll juz print'em all out.. i guess not.. coz im afraid i'll lose u. wait. i cant lose wat i dun hav.. but i do hav u as a frend. now. im not askin for more, but if u wld give, i WILL take."-
tats wat i gotta say for today..

Bye

found a song... and surprisingly, 90% of de song really can... 'help me speak out' wat i usually do [which is thinkin abt YOU] and i said 90% OF DE SONG, NOT 100%



All alone in my room, think of you at a rate that is truly alarming
I keep looping my memories of you in my head, I pretend that you want me
And I fall asleep and dream of alternate realities
And I put myself at ease by pretending that she still loves me

And I can't stop thinking about you
And I can't stop thinking about you
You never call, what do I do?
And I can't stop thinking about your love

Ohh, yeah

Can't believe I could think that she would just follow me everywhere I go
I just wrestle with you in my dreams and wake up making love to a pillow
And I fall asleep and dream of alternate realities
And I put myself at ease by pretending that she still loves me

And I can't stop thinking about you
And I can't stop thinking about you
You never call, what do I do?
And I can't stop, and I can't stop

What I would give to have you look in my direction
And I'd give my life to somehow attract your attention
And I touch myself like it's somebody else
Thoughts of you are tattooed on my mind, let me show you

And I can't stop thinking about you
And I can't stop thinking about you
You'll never go, what do I do?
And I can't stop thinking about you

And I can't stop thinking about you
And I can't stop thinking about you
You'll never go, what do I do?
And I can't stop thinking about you

a v tiring day... oh ya... YAN HAN THNX A LOT FOR PANG SEHING ME!!! i tink he called my hp but... U FORGET MY H SPOIL LIAOZ ARH??!!! lols... i in library mahh... i noe ur pants oso spoil but cannot hold it for a few secs n say, ' hey i gtg liaoz bb'?... argh... nvm... and yes, u heard me, my N81 spoil liaoz... kept in my pocket, sit, den take out see tym, saw a huge crack runnin thru de screen... arh!! im currently using my sis hp... soon transferrin to my N73... which dropped into de toilet bowl a year ago.. i won tat hp in a bloggin competition.. it lasted less den a month..... x( ... Dx

i got 18/20 for my maths re-test... den got.. err i tink 18/25 for hist pop quiz... den got 17/25 for e lit... argh... so far its ben A1s for maths.. but i tink soon gonna start dieing liaoz since the current maths topic is kinda diff... DUN WANT LEH I DUN WANT STUDY!!! xDD oh ya.. im gonna join in a anime dawing contest. Graphite . not sure can win or EVEN get any prize... since im sure tat there's plenty of pros out there in singapore... n i saw de judges' artworks on deviantart... OMG they are gays... i tink im de few out of many competin tats doi traditional instead of digital... tats a great disadvatage(or not?) plus i dun feel lyk colouring... another disadvantage.. haiz.....................................................

i tink lyndsey's asleep now.. afterall it's been a tirin day for her... ENJOY UR SLEEP :DDDDD ^^
haiz pw been a crash... havent start fili de vid yet... so is e lit n chinese... tis comin sat is de oral test liao... sure die... aiya MAMA kp-ing me to off comp liaoz... bb

sry no devotions for today since MAMA is naggin... i'll make up for today's next tym bahh

BYE BYE

im not in a good mood now... as a matter of fact, u cant find any little sense of happiness in me now... thnx to my bloody jackass sis... disrespectful b**** stupid arse face... kanni na bei chi bai come interrupt me and distractin me frm my work... and wrote smths v stupid abt me in her journal... WHY DUN SHE WRITE HERSELF BEING FAT AND SO STUPID LA... she'll hav de best crap award if there's such competition... stupid asshole... kao bei... feel lyk slappin n punchin her non-stop... always pick to wrong tym to mess with me... cant she see when im not happy? is lyk, she's some psychopathic nut head la... always do smth super stupid... wat a fag... juz threw a pillow real hard in her face... haha... she juz asked me a qn... called her to shut up... stupid cow face... wanna shove a corn up her face... make her grow fatter... she everyday in cass kenna teased for being fat liaoz... i dun wan suan her liddat but she hor... duno how appreciate... stupid pig... dua neh neh crap face... haiz hopeless piece of shit



zzz dunno why most of de seniors in my cca is callin me and lyndsey a couple... is only i lyk her la... she only lyk me as frend wat... so crappy sia my seniors... zzz.. sot sot de... haiz



lucky shit me i juz passed my chinese... 25/50... phew... actually its 23/50 but cher missed out 2 of my correct ans when she countin de marks... so tyco juz pass loh...



now doin DnT.. some photoframe thing... got no ideas... OH NO JUZ RMB!!! hav e lit havent do oso... haiz... ok need chiong liaoz...

"i luv to see u smile. i wan u to be happy. i nvr stopped thinkin abt u. 'wats she gonna do today? how's she feelin now? is she bored? shld i help her? am i an irritation to her? how can i make her happy?' negatives and positives.. both hav gone thru my mind. im willing to do anythin, to exchange for 100% of her smile, of her happiness.more importantly, i wish her confidence and self-esteem will nvr be lost, and continue to work hard for wat she strives for. reach ur goals, be happy and smile everyday! i'll luv u, and luv u always."

tats my wish frm my heart, for u today :)
BYE

ahh.. not sure if today is good or bad... mixture of both... and no, im not sharin anoher song... zzz

good stuffs are:
-i got 20/30 for eng common test... thou not so good but i tink it's de highest for eng so far...
-got cca. its slowly gettin fun now:) but i tink my role sucks...
-got to walk with her to mrt stn again ^^
*oh ya, got another A1 for maths ^^ de common test

bad stuffs are:
-woke up with a puking sensation
-den 拉肚子immediately after tat
-failed my chinese test [thou haven got bak results but is sure fail de]
-got my 2nd fail tis year... [1st is eng... ALMOST PASSED... i tink missed by 1 mark or so...]
-my life get boring almost everyday after 7pm

ok looks lyk my heck care-ness has reached de limit... now i dun even care if ppl noes hu i lyk... COZ I LIKE LYNDSEY!!!!!!!!!!! YA U FOOLS HEAR ME!!!! anyw barely any1 comes to my blog so wth... zzz... hey ^^^^^^^^^ is true... if u idiots havet figured out yet, go to my previous posts and highlight de whole post... u'll find her name written at some parts.. and a short sentence goes 'Love for You is Never Dieing, Sacrificing Everything for You' get it now??

oh ya and i learnt some new(and some old) stuffs:
-Noob is a word used by Angry Nerds :)
-FinD the hIdden mEssage
-A rose for you death ^^ @"~~ [can be used for better/positive stuffs too]
eg. A rose to represent my love/A rose for our friendship etc.
-Eat My Bullet. Want A Second Serving? This Time I'll Hit Harder:)

-"i find it v enjoyable to b by ur side, walkin down with u almost everyday. de warmth u hit my heart with is smth tat i cant only use words to describe it. i felt happy when u lyk de pic of ur name, made up of pins on a board[which is made by me]. i felt guilty, when i saw u runnin thru de rain along wid me. i tot to myself, 'hey u fool. wat r u doin? u r gonna get her sick!' sometyms i wonder if my existence is a pain to u... mayb u r juz toleratin me... i wan u to noe, whenever u r happy, so am i :) "- tis is my devotion to u today...
Bye

stupid lousy day... only good thing was hav huan song hui meetin... draw the sec4 seniors de... oz same grp wid lyndsey WATEVA... zzz
while u were walkin ahed wid de other sec2 seniors... i was emo-in at ur backs... was tinkin... stuffs... found another song to express myself again... its called ' wanna be with you'



You and me, we come from different worlds
You like to laugh at me when I look at other girls
Sometimes you're crazy
then you wonder why
I'm such a baby 'cause the Dolphins make me cry
But there's nothing I can do
I've been looking for a girl like you

You look at me, you got nothing left to say
I'm gonna pout at you until I get my way
I won't dance, you won't sing
I just wanna love you but you wanna wear my ring
But there's nothing I can do
I only wanna be with you
You can call me a fool
I only wanna be with you

Put on a little Dylan Sittin' on a fence
* I said, "That line is great" you asked me what it meant by
* Said I shot a man named Gray
Took his wife to Italy
She inherited a million bucks, and when she died it came to me
I can't help it if I'm lucky
I only wanna be with you
Ain't Bobby so cool
I only wanna be with you

Yeah I'm tangled up in blue
I only wanna be with you
You can call me a fool
Only wanna be with you

Sometimes I wonder if we'll ever end
You get so mad at me when I go out with my friends
Sometimes you're crazy
then you wonder why
I'm such a baby, yeah, the Dolphins make me cry
But there's nothing I can do
I only wanna be with you
You can call me a fool
I only wanna be with you
Yeah I'm tangled up in blue
I only wanna be with you

i will love u... and love u always

argh... 10pm liaoz.. lao bei lao bu havent come bak frm de sg expo... lookin at furniture n stuffs... actually im now, here, to dedicate a song to some1... its called built to last... if i had de courage i wld sing it personally in front of u... sing it for u.. dunno when will b tat day.. haha... anyw here it is...




I've looked for love in stranger places,
But never found someone like you.
Someone whose smile makes me feel I've been holding back,
And now there's nothing I can't do.

'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
But most of all it's built to last.

All of our friends saw from the start.
So why didn't we believe it too?
Whoa yeah, now look where you are.
You're in my heart now.
And there's no escaping it for you.
'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
But most of all it's built to last.

Walking on the hills that night with those fireworks and candlelight
You and I were made to get love right
'Cause this is real, and this is good.
It warms the inside just like it should,
But most of all it's built to last.
'Cause you are the sun in my universe,
Considered the best when we've felt the worst
And most of all it's built to last.